A FUNNY STORY...

"okay, what the heck is this page about?"

GOOD DAMN QUESTION. OR RATHER.... DAMN GOOD QUESTION. THIS PAGE IS REALLY JUST A FEW OF THE LITTLE STORIES FROM SHOOTING EPISODES OF RMD, OR PREPARING FOR SHOOTS OF REAL MEN DON'T.

AMAZING, HUH...?
WE ACTUALLY PREPARE.

WE'RE SURE THERE WILL BE MORE STORIES TO COME!

SHOOTING AN EGG - MARCH 10TH

I ASKED EVERYONE IN MY ACTING WORKSHOP IF THEY WOULDN'T MIND BEING IN A 10 SECOND BIT FOR RMD... WE'D SHOOT IT AT THE END OF CLASS, AND IT WOULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN 3 MINUTES...

EVERYONE AGREED TO DO IT.

BUT BEFORE THE CLASS ENDED, IT HAD TO START.

SO, WE GOT THE SCENES THAT WE WERE GOING TO WORK ON THAT NIGHT, AND MY SCENE PARTNER AND I GOT KINDA OF A LAME SCENE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE PLACE IN A BAR... BUT BECAUSE HE AND I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE THE SCENE AS IS, OR THINK IT WAS VERY FUNNY, WE CHANGED THE LOCATION FROM BEING A BAR, TO BEING A LOCKER ROOM...

HE'D TAKE A CRAP THE WHOLE TIME, SEMI-BLOCKED FROM THE AUDIENCE, AND I WOULD CHANGE MY CLOTHES ON STAGE... RELAX IT WAS A MIME SHIT, NO MUSS, NO FUSS, AND ALL THE AUDIENCE COULD SEE WERE HIS FEET AND HIS HEAD...

ANYWAY, THE SCENE WAS FUN, AND THE NIGHT WENT FINE...

AFTER THE CLASS ENDED. WE SHOT THE EGG IN ABOUT 30 SECONDS... AND EVERYONE CLAPPED AND STARTED TO LEAVE...

THAT'S WHEN I HEARD MY GIRLFRIEND SAY TO A FRIEND...

"i see my boyfriend naked in class and on the web more than i do in real life..."

WHICH WAS REALLY WEIRD TO HEAR, CAUSE I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF THAT WAY. EVER...

BUT LAUGHS IS LAUGHS. AIN'T THEY?

AS FAR AS THE EGG WE SHOT THAT NIGHT...
IT WAS TRULY AN EGG.

IT HAD SEVERAL TECHNICAL ISSUES...
BUT HONESTLY...
I WAS GOING TO USE IT ANYWAY...
THAT IS UNTIL...
I TAPED OVER THE FOOTAGE THE NEXT DAY SHOOTING ANOTHER EGG.

I'LL DO THE BIT AGAIN, BUT AS OF NOW... IT AIN'T ON LINE.

(THANKS TO THE PEOPLE OF "SEENWORK" FOR HELPING ME OUT WITH A BIT THAT WAS NEVER TO BE SEEN.)

PREP FOR RE-SHOOT OF "PAD" - MARCH 2006

OKAY, SO... MY FRIEND LASTA MAKES A SMART ASS COMMENT ABOUT ONE OF THE RMD'S, AND WHAM! THAT'S IT! A MUCH BETTER END TO THAT ONE!

SO I DECIDE TO RE-SHOOT THE ENDING...

I STILL HAVE MY GIRLFRIEND'S LITTLE DV CAMERA AT MY APARTMENT BUT I'VE TOSSED ALL THE MAXI-PADS, I MEAN, WHAT THE HECK WAS I GOING TO DO WITH THEM ANYWAY?

SO ON THE WAY TO A SHOW ONE NIGHT, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I GO TO A LOCAL STRIP MALL. WHICH ARE ON EVERY CORNER HERE IN LA. SHE GOES FOR COFFEE FOR BOTH OF US, AND ONCE AGAIN, I'M HEADING IN A LOCAL DRUG STORE TO BUY MAXI-PADS. THE SAME STORE I'VE PURCHASED MAXI-PADS BEFORE, TAMPONS, AND SEVERAL TYPES OF BLUSH. MAN, I LEAD A WEIRD LIFE.

ANYWAY... I THINK THAT'S WEIRD ENOUGH, MY GIRLFRIEND GOING TO BUY COFFEE, WHILE I BUY MAXI-PADS.

BUT NO, IT GETS BETTER... JUST IN FRONT OF ME AS I ENTER THE STORE IS A BLONDE CHICK, WHO I'M SURE GETS HIT ON QUITE OFTEN.

SHE GOES DOWN AISLE ONE, WHILE I GO DOWN AISLE TWO... AT THE IN-BETWEEN AILSE WE BOTH CONVERGE, AND GO DOWN THE NEXT AISLE TOGETHER...

AS SHE STOPS, I STOP... AS SHE LOOKS TO HER LEFT, I LOOK TO MY LEFT... I REALIZE AT THIS POINT SHE THINKS I'VE FOLLOWED HER TO THIS AISLE, AND NOW I'M UNCOMFORTABLY STARING AT A BUNCH OF MAXI-PADS.

I CAN FEEL HER TENSE UP, THINKING I'M ABOUT TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH HER OR SOMETHING...

HOWEVER, IT'S EVEN WEIRDER, BECAUSE, INSTEAD OF TALKING WITH HER, I'M SHOPPING FOR MAXI-PADS... EVEN WEIRDER... I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHICH KIND I BOUGHT THE FIRST TIME AROUND IN CASE I HAVE TO MATCH THEM IN THE FOOTAGE... EXTRA LONG? WITH WINGS? HEAVY? LIGHT? OR SUPER ABSORBENT?

I NOTICE THE CHICK STARTS TO READ THE PACKAGES ALONG SIDE OF ME, SHE GETS SO INTO THE READING OF THEM, SHE SITS ON THE FLOOR.

NOW I WISH I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA WITH ME... TELL ME THAT'S NOT A FUNNY IMAGE... THIS CHICK READING MAXI-PAD BOXES AS SHE SITS ON THE FLOOR, AS A 6'5" GUY STANDS AND READS MAXI-PAD PACKAGES ALONG SIDE HER.

EACH PERSON, ALONE IN THEIR OWN MAXI-PAD WORLD.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S EVEN BETTER?

i DIDN'T EVEN END UP USING THE NEW MAXI-PADS...
AND NOW I'M CONSIDERING RETURNING THEM...

HOW'S THAT FOR CLASSY?

DAY OF FIRST SHOOT WITH BEN & JAY... FEBRUARY - 2006

I'M GETTING INTO POSITION FOR L.W.P. SHIRTLESS AND LAYING IN SOMEONE'S GARDEN... OF THIS MAJOR MOTION PICTURE. IT'S MAGIC... THE BOARD WITH IT'S SKATEBOARD WHEELS, THE PVC PIPE, ONE LIGHT, AND A BRIGHT YELLOW EXTENSION CORD RUNNING FROM INSIDE OF BEN'S HOUSE.

THEN ALL THREE OF US NOTICE A LITTLE WHITE CAR SLOWING DOWN... IT STRIKES US AS ODD.... WE ALL LOOK... WE WONDER IF THEY'RE A FRIEND OF BEN'S NEIGHBOR, AND THEY'RE GOING TO GIVE US GRIEF.

THE CAR PULLS UP A LITTLE MORE, THEN PAUSES AGAIN...

PULLS UP A LITTLE MORE... PAUSES AGAIN.

THEN WE HEAR THE EMERGENCY BRAKE GET PULLED, AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, THIS MODEL LOOKING CHICK HOPS OUT WEARING A SHORT WHITE SKIRT.

SHE DOES A COMPLETE LAP AROUND HER CAR... MAKING SURE OUR PRODUCTION (AND THE MIGHTY DIRECTOR BEN ROCK) NOTICES HER.

BUT I THINK AT SOME POINT SHE SAW HOW LOW BUDGET WE WERE, AND THEN REALIZED WE WEREN'T WORTH HER TIME. SO SHE GOT BACK IN HER CAR AND DROVE OFF.

THEN JAY LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS SOMETHING LIKE...

'"you think she wants to be in it...?"

FREAKING HOLLYWOOD.

DAY OF FIRST SHOOT WITH BEN & JAY... FEBRUARY - 2006

WHILE I'M PUTTING ON RED BLUSH MAKE UP TO LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN OUT IN THE SUN ALL DAY LONG, JAY AND BEN SET UP THE DOLL TRACK FOR OUR VERY FIRST SET UP OF THE DAY. THE DOLLY TRACK... BEN'S RIGGED A SERIES OF SKATEBOARD WHEELS TO THE BOTTOM OF A SHEET OF PLYWOOD, AND HE RUNS IT ALONG TWO PVC PIPES... IT'S SO HIGH TECH, THAT A FEW TIMES BEN CUTS DURING THE DOLLY MOVE, BECAUSE A BLADE OF GRASS CAUSES A BUMP IN THE MOVEMENT...

ON TOP OF THE SHEET OF PLYWOOD IS A BORROWED TRIPOD FROM THE CIVIL WAR ERA, AND BEN'S DV CAMERA.

ANYWAY, A BUSY BODY, OLDER MALE NEIGHBOR WALKS BY... HE SEES US SETTING UP TO SHOOT IN BEN'S NEIGHBOR'S FRONT YARD... HE PAUSES, LOOKS, PAUSES, LOOKS... THEN HE SPEAKS IN ALL SERIOUSNESS...

"that's some pretty fancy equipment you have there..."

IN DISBELIEF... BEN AND JAY LOOK AT THE GUY...
AND THEN BEN SAYS...

"what, the sheet of plywood, or the two-dollars worth of PVC pipe?"

SHOOTING THE PILOT EPISODE - DECEMBER 2005

I HAD PREVIOUSLY ASKED MY THEN NEIGHBOR IF I COULD BORROW HER CAT, LARRY, FOR A WEIRD LITTLE SHOOT. SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO PUT TOGETHER TO SEE IF THE CONCEPT WORKED OR NOT... I DIDN'T TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT IT, NOR DID I TELL LARRY ANYTHING ABOUT IT...

WELL, EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL I PUT LARRY IN MY APARTMENT...

THAT SORT OF SPOOKED HIM A LITTLE...

BUT HE GOT REALLY NERVOUS WHEN I DISROBED AND BROUGHT HIM INTO THE BATHROOM...

THE IDEA OF HOLDING LARRY UP, TO BLOCK MY GOODS FROM THE CAMERA AS I SHAVED HIM (WITHOUT THE RAZOR ON)... QUICKLY CHANGED AS I DIDN'T WANT A VERY NERVOUS CAT WITH A FIERCE SWIPE NEXT TO MY MANHOOD...

MY NEIGHBOR LAUGHED WHEN SHE SAW THE PILOT EPISODE... BUT HER AND LARRY SOON MOVED FROM HOTEL EVANS TO "A BIGGER APARTMENT," CAUSE SHE WAS MOVING IN WITH HER BOYFRIEND, AND WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER REASONS...

COINCIDENCE?
OR LARRY'S DOING?

WE MISS YOU LARRY...